See that adorable little boy, with that irresistible baby chunk? He is perfect in every way. But, at some point in the not-so-distant future, he will be faced with the concept of body image.

No, it probably won’t be presented in the same format, or in the same frequency as it will be for girls his age, but he will still have to face it. And you know what hurts this mama heart of mine? He won’t have the support system that we try to provide to girls. He may be called names, he may feel uncomfortable in his own skin, but the world won’t talk about his struggles. My boys will always have a safe space in their parents and family. But society doesn’t openly address the feelings of inadequacy that many boys experience. The media rarely sheds a light on the boys who suffer from eating disorders. There aren’t viral hashtags or social media movements to lift up our young men, and encourage them to embrace who they are. But here’s the thing: boys need messages of body positivity too.

Men Struggle with These Issues Too

Men battle depression. Men struggle with self value. Men have body image issues. However, men are often seen as weak for sharing about these things. What kind of future are we creating for our boys if we don’t support and listen to men when they are suffering?

Our 5 year old son has always been a bit of an exhibitionist. That is to say, he has not been shy about walking around in his birthday suit, with any number of people around. But, the other day I heard the words, “my tummy is so fat,” come out of his mouth. Where in the world did he come up with this phrase? I can honestly say that my husband and I have never talked like this; to one another, or about ourselves. Sure, my kids have probably heard me joke about my bottom being saggy, but I have never described myself or another person as being ‘fat.’ I later deciphered that this comment stemmed from some preschool, yes you read that right, PRESCHOOL chatter about a very dear friend of our sons. I don’t know how it came up, or why it was a topic of conversation among three and four year old’s, but it turns out body image is alive and toxic at this age as well.

My initial response to this was outrage. Who in their right mind is talking to these children about being fat?! Preschoolers are just learning about their differences, and we’re trying to foster a sense of inclusion. But, there are tiny humans telling one another that they’re fat? What. The. Heck. My next response was heartbreak. How do we raise good humans with all this crap? How do we teach our sons to be kind to one another, but to also stand up for themselves? How do we teach them to love their whole selves? It is not just about teaching these things to girls. We need our sons to learn these lessons too.

Society Has Unrealistic Expectations for Girls, and Boys

Shortly after the fat tummy comment, a bottle of cologne in our bathroom caught my eye. I have seen this bottle almost daily for the last 13+ years. My husband has a soft spot for the Abercrombie and Fitch scent, ‘Fierce.’ It smells delightful, but when I saw the image on the bottle that day, I wanted to throw it in the garbage. It’s very simple, sexy branding. Plain bottle, with a black and white image of a male model’s abdomen. Now, this is not a picture of the #dadbod, or any normal male physique. It features six-pack abs, with low waist jeans, and that ‘sex sells’ thumb in belt loops, lower hip region. Clearly I’m an anatomy pro. You know what I’m talking about. Now, I’m a straight woman, so I can certainly appreciate a studly male bod. But, you guys; this is the ‘norm’ we are trying to show our young boys? How many men do you actually know that have that kind of body? I sure can’t think of many. But you know what? My husband’s #dadbod is rockin. He is strong and confident, and that is way sexier than any photoshopped six-pack.

We need to stop promoting unrealistic body image expectations. For girls, and for boys. I may be blessed with a petite stature, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t struggled with my own body image. My husband hears me comment on my mosquito-bite-boobs at least once per week. Why? Because I’ve been conditioned to think that large, perky breasts are the only ones of value. But, how many of those boobs have breastfed two babies for 12+ months each?

This issue doesn’t just apply to a specific gender or age range. This is affecting all our children, and at a much younger age than I am prepared to accept. Don’t wait until they start making comments about their size. Don’t wait until someone else comments on their size. Tell them they are strong, they are smart, and that their body is capable of great things.

Let’s break the cycle. Please let this next generation of boys be strong, confident, and compassionate. My husband and I will sure be doing our part. Now, let’s get our society to do its part, too.