One of my favorite things about motherhood is how different each journey is. Every pregnancy is special, each birth story is unique. No matter the path that brought us here, the moment we become a mother is a defining one. Some stories speak to our hearts more, and give us an even deeper appreciation for this gift of motherhood. My dear friend Sarah has one of these remarkable stories.

The two of us met during our Freshman year at Sonoma State, and we instantly connected. From college roommates, to sharing our wedding stresses, to listening to each others pregnancy and motherhood adventures; we have shared many special memories over the years. Sarah has a big heart, a beautiful smile, and an infectious laugh. She is an incredible mother who remembers to keep a sense of humor, and to practice grace, especially during these tricky toddler years. It is such a privilege to share Sarah’s thoughts on #motherhoodmademe.

Here is Sarah’s Story:

“I am sorry, but both blood tests said negative AGAIN.” Our hearts dropped to the floor, AGAIN.

Those were not the words we wanted to hear when it was already our second round of IVF. We only had four viable embryos. Two live embryos were put in the first time, and didn’t make it. A few months later, two frozen embryos were put in the second time, and didn’t make it. We had nothing left. We had to start all over again. The doctors appointments, the shots, the medicine, the money, the emotions, the what if’s.

Was starting a family of our own not written in our stars? They said after three rounds of IVF you should start thinking of other options. Heartbroken again, we saved up the money, and kept the third journey a little quieter from our family and friends.

I can still remember working in my office at home with the door closed, and my husband taking a shower on the other side of the house (with the door also closed). And I could smell his shower gel as strong as if it were next to me. Could I really be pregnant this time? I felt bloated, and was craving BBQ sunflower seeds. I don’t even like BBQ sunflower seeds. We had to wait 7 more days for the two blood tests to confirm... POSITIVE. “Congratulations, you guys are pregnant!” 

Wait, what? Are you sure? And then the tears of joy came flooding down like water falls, as we started to call our family to tell them the most important news of our lives. We were finally going to be a family of three. 

I have a permanent scar on my belly that will always be apart of Emily and me. She knows that she came out of mommy’s belly, but she doesn’t know that she was in respiratory distress after my water broke, every time I had a contraction. She doesn’t know that I would have bled out if my OBGYN didn’t perform the emergency cesarean section on the morning she was born. Those stresses are for a mommy and daddy to endure, and maybe one day we will tell her when the time is right. 

Our journey was not the easiest, but it has made us who we are today. We have a beautiful, healthy, sassy two year old daughter. She is our world! She has pretty much taken over every piece of us, and not to mention every room in our house. Some days I want to pull my hair out, as being a stay at home mom is hard work. Why can’t my husband stay home, and I go to work today? But, Emily has made me the mommy I am today because she is a fighter. Without our little butterfly life wouldn’t be the same. I wouldn’t get as many laughs, hugs, kisses, cuddles, tantrums, or naked baby running down the hall. She has shaped our lives for the better, and I tell her everyday just how much we love her.