'Fatherhood Made Me' Series - Wes's Story

Like most little girls, I often daydreamed about my future. What my husband would be like, what dress I would wear at my wedding, how many kids we would have, where we’d live. Never could I have imagined how truly beautiful my life would be once it started playing out. I met the man of my dreams at the age of nineteen. We grew up together. We shifted from college students, to working adults, to homeowners, to parents. The last fourteen years has been the most incredible journey. Full of highs and sometimes lows. But, watching this man who captured my heart when we were young, wild, and free become a father, has been one of my life’s greatest blessings. He was made for this. It is an honor to share my sweet husbands thoughts on #fatherhoodmademe.

Here is Wes’s Story:

Many people around have heard me say this, and it sounds cliché, but I deeply feel I was put on this earth to be a father and a husband.  Some folks have certain callings, and life goals, but I knew at an early age, let’s say high teens, my purpose was to be a loving husband, and the best father I could possibly be. When I was 21 years old, I was lucky enough to meet the woman of my dreams. One perfect day she happened to be walking by me at school, and I knew I needed to know the girl in the glasses. I later married the girl in the glasses, and we started our life together. After checking the boxes of buying a house, depleting our savings accounts, getting a dog, we went on to check the final box of starting a family. In October of 2014 my great Maximillian blessed us with another mouth to feed, and then in September of 2017 our fierce Lee made his arrival. My final box was checked.

Now this might sound funny to those who know me, but Fatherhood made me HEAVY. You might be thinking, but Wes, you’ve always been rather heavy. I’m not talking about my chiseled physique, I’m talking metaphorically, everything in my life became, heavy…

I am an emotional guy, no doubt about it. I’m Italian first off, but also I’ve just never been one to shy away from showing emotion. However, when I became a father, my emotions became heavy. The slightest thing that Max or Lee would do would cause me to break out in tears. I have a saying with my boys that goes, “it’s ok to cry, but for the right reasons”. I find myself saying that to myself sometimes, like, “Wes, we’re only walking to school talking about recess, do you really need to be getting a plum in your throat right now…” or, “Dude get it together, you’re just sharing an ice cream cone…” My emotions became so heavy.

My thoughts and concerns became heavy. I realized when you have kids, you need to think about everything in such depth. Will the name we picked be used against him one day? What school to choose? What religion to follow? What do we feed them? Normal mac & cheese, or does it have to be the one 3 times the cost because it’s made with “natural” ingredients? Sometimes I think I think too much into certain things, not all things, but my thoughts just became so heavy.

My laughs became heavy. I learned once becoming a father that there are certain things your kids can do that will make you keel over in laughter. My boys are the farthest thing from boring, and they both have a knack for getting people to crack up. Sometimes just looking at them play together, or eating dinner, or watching them rough house, makes me laugh. My laugh became heavier.

My shoulders became heavy. When we had Max, Caitlyn and I were both in agreement, and firm in the decision of her staying home with him and not returning to work. It was actually a very simple choice and didn’t really take much discussion between the two of us. We knew that is how we wanted to raise our son(s), no if’s, and’s, or buts. However, we went from 2 incomes to 1, overnight. My shoulders instantly felt the weight of the world. I now had to support the whole house just on my shoulders. It was a challenge I was up for. My whole mentality & mindset had to change. It was me, I was the provider, and I had to keep the family afloat financially. I wouldn’t change a thing, and to this day it is my ultimate success being able to leave every morning for work, looking back to see my two boys with their mother. But boy, my shoulders feel heavy.

My gratitude became heavy. Without sounding too cliché, it became so clear that each day all of a sudden seemed like such a blessing. I became so grateful for what I had. Each morning I was grateful to wake up to hear noise coming from the baby monitor, grateful to see my wife rocking my kids to sleep, grateful to be able to run next to Max as he took his first daring ride without training wheels, grateful to sit on the bathroom floor and encourage going on the potty instead of a diaper, grateful to come home each night to two smiling faces running towards the front door with open arms. Each day I remind myself that I have so much to be grateful for. My gratitude has become so heavy.

My love became heavy. Since becoming a father, It has made me realize that there are multiple levels of love. When I married the woman of my dreams, I was and am still so deep in love. It’s a connection between two people who will share a lifetime together. When my sons were born, my love for my wife only grew stronger. And then I look at my boys and it’s more of a primal love. Something deep down that is almost hard to describe. But you know deep down that you don’t know what you would do in life without these two small people.  Each day I realize that there are never too many opportunities to say I love you. My love has become so heavy.

Fatherhood made me heavy.  I was never light on my feet to begin with, but this is a weight that has made me complete. It’s a weight I cherish every single day.