'Motherhood Made Me Series' Melissa's Story

I feel very blessed to have the guidance and support of some truly amazing mothers, as I navigate my own motherhood journey. In a role that can often feel quite isolating, I’ve been so fortunate to have many open ears and hearts listen to me during the ups and downs that come along with it. One of these amazing moms is my older sister. From being a young girl looking up to my cool big sis, to a new mom calling on her to help me through the sleep deprivation; Mel has always been by my side. It is such a pleasure for me to share her insights into her motherhood journey.

Here is Melissa’s Story:

Motherhood made me...

First it made me TIRED. Beyond any kind of tired I'd ever experienced before, and have ever experienced since newborns. The natural rhythms of the sun and moon no longer ruled my world.

Then it made me DEPRESSED. When baby #2 came along, toddler #1 also started waking up again at night, so sleep was scarce. My husband was traveling for work regularly, and raising a two year old and a newborn solo left little time or energy for self care such as eating, showering, etc.

Next, it made me CONNECTED. Out of sheer desperation, isolation, and surrender to feeling totally unprepared for the new responsibility of raising other beings, I reached out. To other moms. And this might have been what saved me. The friends I made then are my closest and oldest friends now. 10 years later, we don't get together as often as we used to when the kids were in preschool, and playdates were plentiful, but when we do, I still walk away feeling grounded and reassured that I'm doing okay at this parenting gig, and we are all just figuring it out as we go.

At times, it has made me SCARED. The time when my oldest had a concussion and seizure, or when my youngest seemed determined to drown herself anytime we were near water. Scared for their safety in a rapidly changing world.

Not often, but occasionally motherhood makes me PROTECTIVE. The mama bear instinct is real. I didn't even know I had it in me. But if my child is under threat or suffers some injustice, you'd better believe there is a warrior awakening in me to protect my babies.

It has also made me PRESENT. Noticing the rhythm of a sleeping child's breath, or listening to the sounds of laughter coming from my two daughters playing together while running through the sprinklers, has a way of bringing me into the Now. Of releasing worry about the future and letting go of the past. Of feeling the lightness and purity of joy that comes from true presence.

Not long ago, motherhood drove me to SURRENDER. To the painfully difficult acceptance that my children don't belong to me. That any illusion of control I have over their life's outcome, their purpose, is false. God has entrusted me with two souls and asked me to teach them how to be human beings. Faced with that kind of job, all I can do is surrender to my faith in something larger than myself, and trust that we are all being led to live out our highest good, each on our separate journeys, together.

Most recently, motherhood has made me HEAL. Myself. My own deep hurts and old emotional wounds. Because truly, I've learned that we can't give our children what we don't have. If we don't feel whole and worthy ourselves, we can't give that feeling to our children. My own healing work transcends beyond myself, and creates healing in those around me, those closest to me, the ones I love with my whole being.