A Thank You Note to the Life Insurance Lady
You know how there are approximately eleventy billion parenting books? And how approximately zero of the information included in them actually prepares you for birthing and raising another human?
I’m pretty certain no book ever told me that one day I would be sucking my child’s boogers from his nose through a skinny plastic tube, all the while praying that the tiny sponge filter is fully intact so I don’t end up inhaling snot. And there sure wasn’t a chapter about how many times you’ll have to fish a toy out of a training toilet filled with poop. I also don’t recall anyone warning me about how many dollars would be spent on those stupid Kinder eggs at the grocery checkout line. Or the fact that you’ll say things like, “I’m going to the potty,” or “I have to tinkle,” to other adults.
We learned about the importance of a birth plan. But, let’s be honest here people: the plans never go to plan and thus a birth plan is pretty much pointless. Just get this baby out of me. And preferably with as little damage as possible to my lady parts. I read about the magic of your baby growing from a peach to a large watermelon. A watermelon that is constantly kicking you in the ribs and squishing your bladder for weeks, before you learn that you were not in fact growing a fruit or vegetable, but that’s a human head exiting your body.
From the moment we discover we are pregnant, we’re inundated with information. But, most of it won’t apply to our birth(s), or life situation, or sometimes, parenting in general.
No one wants to share the honest truth. Now maybe that’s a blessing because we do need to keep procreating in order to like maintain the human race, I suppose. But, there are things we encounter as parents that we should talk about more. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Especially once you’ve actually birthed a child. I’ll allow the cute prego’s of the world to remain blissfully unaware for those 40ish weeks. That can be our gift to the soon-to-be mamas. Mazel tov, you can remain blind to the pure craziness that you’ll be experiencing in a few short months.
But for the rest of us, buckle up. Let’s get real, y’all.
I do want to say that I recently read a book by Jessi Klein, and it was one of the first times I’ve seen several motherhood truths in print. I mean real truths about birth, and playing with your kids, and potty training, and the overall insanity that is mom life. So, everyone should start by reading her book, and then let’s all agree to stop sugarcoating this shiz, mkay?!
For example: did you know that opening a life insurance policy is a thing you’re supposed to do once you create another life? It’s one of those unspoken tasks that magically appears on your to-do list after giving birth:
Purchase nose sucker thingy
Buy excessive amount of super absorbent pads, a squirty bottle, Tucks wipes, and ALL the nipple cream (pregnant ladies: ignore this line)
Open life insurance policy
Hold up, what? I thought that was something you do when you’re later on in years?
Nope, you better find an agent and get on that.
Naturally I ignored this task until I was pregnant with our second son. We had a 2 year old and we were about to embark on parenting two littles. Crazy train, here we come!
I found a local insurance agent and began the process. As a pregnant mother to a two year old. This sweet woman not only had to deal with pregnancy/mom brain, but also pregnancy/mom hormones. She was asking me questions like, “who do you want to list as caretakers in the tragic event that you and/or your husband pass?” Um…. what the hell? Did I mention that I am an emotionally fragile mother who is also pregnant? I cannot answer that question. Just nope. Let’s move on to the part where this is done and I can file it somewhere that I’ll forget about and hopefully never have to revisit. But apparently you have to answer that question with actual people whom you trust to care for YOUR children.
You guys, I cried my eyes out for days agonizing over this. And not because we didn’t have people to list. We are so incredibly fortunate to have a wonderful family unit who all love our kids deeply. But that doesn’t matter okay? I am not going to think about my possible demise and the fact that someone else would be raising my babies.
This is the stuff I’m talking about. No one tells you that one day you’ll be ugly crying on the phone with the Life Insurance Lady.
This stuff is hard! It is so emotionally draining and painful. But no one wants to talk about it. We just want to “enjoy it” and #momlifebestlife all day err day. But guess what? It’s not all cuddles and first words and taking off the training wheels and love like no other. It is also heartbreaking at times. And you experience rage. and protective instincts like an animal. You will want to pull your hair out. You will not enjoy every moment. You may even ugly cry on the phone with the life insurance lady one day. But you know what makes it all just a bit easier? Knowing you are not alone.
When we are honest and vulnerable, and we talk about the triumphs and tragedies, we find connection. We also find ourselves.
Cheers to the Life Insurance Ladies who have to talk to a pregnant mom today. I see you. And cheers to the parents out there keepin’ it real.