Learning to Help Others by Helping Yourself
Matthew 11:28-30: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
I first came across this verse while reading Emily Ley’s book, When Less Becomes More. The words filled my heart and gave me pause. This message spoke to me so deeply, it felt as though I was meant to read them in that very moment. They tied into my writing work, they brought meaning to my motherhood journey, and they helped to define much of my personality. This selfless offering of help, and the promise of soul rest gives me the warm fuzzies
I recently became interested (more like obsessed, really) with the Enneagram. I had taken the assessment a couple years ago, but it wasn’t until the last few months that I started to dig in. The accuracy and detail of this personality typing system is fascinating. I could geek out over this in an entire post, but for the sake of staying on topic, I’ll just share that I am both a Type 2 - The Helper, and a Type 9 - The Peacemaker. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the verse from Matthew struck me.
It is ingrained in my very being to serve others; to be a helper. And motherhood definitely magnified this. Whether consciously or not, I have taken it upon myself to be the friend you can call on. Just had a baby? Let me bring you a meal. Can’t make it to school pick-up on time? I got ya covered. Kids driving you crazy? Send them over, and take some time for yourself. What parent doesn’t need a few extra sets of hands? There’s a reason they say “it takes a village.”
I truly believe that being there for my people is a huge part of my life’s purpose. Helping others, especially my fellow mamas, brings me tremendous joy. But, the shadow side of this personality trait is that I often don’t see when I need to help myself. Whether it’s pride, “I can do all the things on my own,” or ignorance of my personal needs, I sometimes find my well empty. And as Eleanor Brownn states in one of my favorite quotes, “you cannot serve from an empty vessel.” The importance of this lesson is something I am constantly reminding myself of. In order to be my best self, and to truly serve others, I must care for Caitlyn too. I must ask for help when it’s needed, and I have to release any pride or fear I may be experiencing.
Being a stay-at-home parent doesn’t allow for much alone time, or many breaks from the kiddos. Throw in that helper type, and the well we just talked about can be dry more often than not. I am not one to phone a friend. We don’t have a nanny, and the kids and I are usually attached at the hip. Even though we have family just a short drive away, I rarely take the initiative to call for support, or for someone to come remove the wild things terrorizing our home. I am flying high on the days when we’ve got our shiz together. But on the other days, I’m a hot mess. And sadly we all suffer on those days. My patience is thin, I’m snappy, and the whole house feels like it may crumble with the next tantrum. We all need help, and acknowledging that doesn’t make us weak or less capable. It makes us human. I’m writing that sentence not just for myself, but for all the other humans who may need to read it as well.
This season of parenting is quite humbling. We’ve got two feisty little boys who are dependent upon us for everything, so accomplishing tasks is no easy feat. Whether it’s basic human needs like bathroom breaks and hygiene, or getting a load of laundry done in less than three days. Help is not only extremely appreciated, but it’s also vital for our sanity. I am learning to recognize when I need to be the one asking for help, and I’m reminding myself that it’s necessary to do so in order to continue serving my people.
When you’re feeling weary or over-burdened, I hope you have someone you can call on. Someone who will help you carry your load, and offer rest for your soul. And if you’re a helper too, I hope you remember to give yourself some soul rest. Then you can get back to serving others, with that big ol’ humble heart.