Own Your Motherhood
If you’re into the personal development genre at all, then the ideas of owning your story and creating boundaries are not a new concept. I’ve been digging deep into this area of personal growth for the last couple years, and I’m all about the self discovery. I think part of this comes from my background as a Psychology major, and part is from this crazy journey of motherhood.
Learning Who We Are
When we become parents, we often lose sight of who we were before. Our expectations change, and we have to reevaluate our priorities. Our whole identity gets a bit jumbled, so it’s no surprise that we may feel overwhelmed by the input from those around us. We’re learning who we are in this new role, and we are often seeking the support and guidance from our village. But, by taking in so much advice (welcome or not) we may be letting others influence our story and what’s important to us.
Under Pressure
Have you ever been in a peer pressure situation? How did you respond to it? Did you stand up and own your choice, or did you give in? If you answered the latter, how did you feel afterward? Even if the overall outcome was positive, I’ll bet there was still a tinge of anger and/or sadness for not holding your ground.
Fragile Boundaries
I didn’t understand the importance of owning my motherhood choices when I first became a mom. Or, that I’d find myself feeling so frustrated each time I tore down my boundaries to accommodate someone else. Our kids are constantly pushing the limits, so perhaps this is why my boundaries are so fragile. I’m definitely guilty of giving in to our boys more often than I’d like to admit. This is mostly because I’m exhausted, and don’t feel like putting up with the tantrum if I hold strong to my ‘No.’
The struggle with boundaries is that if you don’t respect them, no one will. So, when you’re asked to do something you don’t want to, you break down rather than owning your initial decision. I’ve run into this a number of times in my parenting life, and sadly most times I do break down. A while back I was pressured to let our son do something I had first said no to. Afterwards I was so upset; with myself, with my child, and with the adult who didn’t respect my answer. But, it was a great lesson for me. Up until this point, I had let these situations pass without much thought or regret. This time, I was fuming. I was in tears. I realized I had been willing to set aside my feelings, my concerns for my child’s safety, and what I truly felt was right; all to accommodate the wishes of my 4 year old and another grown up. I could not let this happen again.
Strong Boundaries
This seemingly insignificant situation was the catalyst for a shift within me. I’m hearing myself say things like, “my answer is still no,” and I’m taking a moment to center before responding to something I’m not one hundred percent on board with. I’m a people pleaser, and I strongly dislike conflict, so owning my boundaries when it will clearly disappoint someone else is hard. But, those feelings of anger and defeat from giving in are not worth it.
Own Your Motherhood
We have so many opportunities to stand strong, or concede in the millions of parenting decisions we make. I still follow the ‘pick your battles’ mantra, but I also try to stay true to myself and respect my boundaries. I encourage you to do the same. You do not have to attend the party; say yes to the sleepover; agree to the carpool; trade off babysitting; etc, if it doesn’t feel right. Your kid(s) may have a meltdown, and the parent(s) may pressure you, but it’s your family and your choice. Respect your boundaries, and own your motherhood. You will thank yourself later.