Let’s Be More Honest About How Hard Parenting Really Is

Parenting is really, really hard and we should be more honest about that.

There is nothing that can truly prepare you for parenthood. Not the books, or classes, or the sage wisdom from friends, family, and strangers on the street. There are moments of joy in its purest form, matched by moments of rage, also in its purest form. Kids can easily make you want to cry from pride and love as quickly as they can from frustration.

And out of all of these moments, the only ones we really talk about, or share on social media, are the positive ones. The happy, smiley toddler grocery shopping with Mom. The sleeping baby, all snuggled up while his parents enjoy a hot cup of coffee. The siblings playing nicely together at the park. You rarely see the real, raw moments. The full blown threenager tantrum in the middle of the small-town CVS. The total emotional breakdown at 4:30 a.m. as you try to get your 5 month old back to sleep after being up every hour that night. (And the preceding 30+ nights). The older brother biting the baby’s belly after what was, seemingly, a sweet moment of playtime. Yes, these are all actual happenings from our life lately, and no I didn’t share them to my Instagram or Facebook. But why not? Those are just as real, and let’s be honest, as much of a regular occurrence, as the other moments.

Embrace the Good and the Bad

Parenting is not all sunshine and rainbows. It’s messy, stressful, and all out exhausting. It is a combination of good and bad moments. And lots of days there’s not even an equal balance. We all have bad days, and with kids those days can often bring you to the brink of insanity. Just in time for bed when you miss those tiny humans who drove you crazy all day long. So why not embrace all of these moments – the good, and the bad? When you share these anecdotes with another Mom, and you bond over your mutual love of iced coffee (because who gets to drink it hot?) and wine (because kids), don’t you feel renewed knowing you are not alone? That sense of camaraderie and understanding is part of what unites parents. We are all on this journey together, and we need that reassurance that we’re not screwing it up. Or maybe we are, but at least we’re in it together, amiright?!

Be Honest

One of the things I love most about my mom tribe is our honesty with one another. We know how hard this ‘job’ is, and we’re not going to waste any time with the BS. “Pregnancy and childbirth are not pretty, and forget about trying to have any kind of ‘plan.’” “Yes, the newborn and infant stage can really SUCK.” “Threenagers are worse than the terrible twos.” “You WILL start to feel like yourself again, and there will be semi-regular showers one day.” “Yes, that really did go out of style years ago – you’ve just been pregnant or too busy momming to notice.” Honesty, that is what we need more of in our lives, and on our social media feeds. Real life, with all the ups and downs. Sharing these moments does not mean we are weak. Everyone is flawed and imperfect, so why keep chasing that unattainable dream of perfection? Especially when it comes to parenting! If ever there were an area with a serious lack of glamour, or any ‘right’ way of doing things – it’s parenting.

Take Away Comparisons

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” -Theodore Roosevelt

In this day of over-sharing and social media addiction (Hi, my name is Caitlyn, and I’m an Instagram addict) it’s even more refreshing to witness real life. Take away the comparisons and ranking of one another, and bring in the day to day insanity that actually takes place in our households.

It’s Just a Season

In this new season of life that my family is experiencing, we are having days full of tears (from all parties – Mom included), and nights full of more tears (again, from all parties). We have two boys – almost 4 and almost 1, and wow, is this phase hard. I am constantly reminding myself that it is our current season, and I wear a shirt with my favorite quote about 3 times per week – “The days are long, but the years are short.” These mantras, plus lots of coffee and a glass of wine at night, are what is getting me through. And, I’m no longer ashamed to admit that. I do not love everyday as a stay-at-home-mom. I am about 99% positive that I will not look back on this time and miss the sleepless nights. But, I am also teaching myself to not get caught up in the bad days, but rather to focus on the good. Sometimes it takes laser focus, but focus I will. Because if becoming ‘Mommy’ has taught me anything, it’s that these are some of the very best days of my life. And, yes, they come with some seriously crappy ones too.

Share the Real Life Moments

So go live that messy life – and share it with the world. We won’t judge you for your dirty house, or tantrum-throwing toddler, or your car full of Happy Meal boxes. We’re all just doing the best we can – taking the good with the bad.